What is waiting supposed to look like when you don’t really know what you’re waiting for, other than the fact that it’s something different than what you are doing now? I am the type that likes to go, go, go, until everything is finished and I’m beyond the point of tired. Being such, I don’t like to wait for anything. If it needs to happen then make it happen. If I can help it happen I will. If God… oh, but what if God is saying it will happen…only, later? Must I sit in my pool of disappointment and anxious thoughts until my life begins to head down whatever road it’s supposed to? No, a thousand times no! Wait patiently on the Lord.
Starting January 1, 2010 at my parent’s house, after celebrating New Years the previous night, the truth of what a gift I had been given during one of the hardest times in my life of waiting finally hit me. I LOVE IT WHEN TRUTH JUMPS AT MY FACE! In the life of ministry, you don’t pick were you serve and where you live, God does. All this time I had been waiting for my wheels to grip the pavement so we could move on to seminary and beyond, while completely missing the fact that every sweet moment I get with my family is a gift. There could be a day when seeing their faces and feeling the tenderness of their hugs will be rare and greatly longed for. This time is good and God is giving it to me. Why am I in such a hurry to go? I’m not only missing the smell of the roses, I’m trampling the garden. I’ve been waiting wrong. Waiting with my eyes closed to the blessings of today, only willing to open them if I can see tomorrow’s blessings. Sure it seems like we’re always at Mom and Dad’s house, but I know I’m loved when I’m there. How dare I wish away the moments I get with them just to get on with an unknown life! Both sets of parents happen to be the best in the world, though often they only see their downfalls. Even all of our friends agree that we are extremely blessed to have them.
My nieces and nephew are constant sources of joy and laughter. I feel as though God smiles on me through them. The things they say that turn my heart to melted butter, or their latest accomplishment that I need to see in order to be impressed. I’m impressed that I get to be auntie every day. What if I only get to see them in pictures and hear them on the phone one day? Then I’ll be in hurry to get back to them.
I wrote this 10 months ago and it’s even more true as I sit outside of Daniel’s classroom here at Bethlehem while I wait to go to work. I do long for those sweet moments but there truly is a peace that overshadows our living here. He has made us to dwell in this green pasture and even though our lives are moving at the speed of light our souls are at rest beside the cooling still waters of a faithful Shepherd. It’s is worth the wait to be here and be plunged into ministry and the Body-life of Bethlehem.
As plans for coming up here where being made, everyday it became more clear that this is where God wanted us to be. Daniel and I were planning on going to Southern Baptist Theological Seminary up until December. We went on a walk and he randomly mentioned applying for Bethlehem, which only accepts 15 students at a time. I promptly said yes before I even thought about it really. If I had I think I would have reasoned it right out of the way because of fear. God didn’t leave room for that! He sent in his application a day before the deadline and then we waited and waited and waited to hear from them. Faith rose and fell during that time and finally we heard. “Daniel, this is Connie. I’m happy to tell you, you’ve been accepted into the program.” He had a couple interviews and had a ton of paperwork to fill out but it was worth it all. Then we had to find a place to live. We searched, came for a visit to check some places out. Nothing seemed right. I was dismayed again. We started looking in other areas and God lead us sweetly to St. Louis Park, just on the west side of the city. It’s beautiful and needing the Gospel. When we finally made the drive up in the moving van and car, we were blessed to have friends that drove with us. We pulled into our neighborhood and I squealed. It’s the type of place I’d dreamed of living but thought impossible if we were going to be in a wartime lifestyle during seminary. God just put that cherry on top for me I think. Within a week I had a job and in two weeks was working for Starbucks too. God supplies so that we can bless others and that is what we wanted to be able to do. Daniel had already been hired at Bethlehem to teach and lead the senior high age group. It’s what he loves and he gets paid for it. I get the benefit of knowing the youth too and loving them with him. The wait was worth it all.
The months between then and now have been some of the hardest and the best. We were living with my parents from February-July and really got to test each other’s patience and open up our arms to whoever needed love in the moment. I wish I had opened my arms more. I definitely received it, especially when I began my road of recovery from bulimia. I’d been struggling with it in secret for over a year and needed to have the support of family when God finally pushed me into the light. Daniel, my parents and the rest of the dear folks that love me had no judgment as I had feared but only love and grace to hold me up to Jesus. I still struggle but I know that they are praying for God’s strength to be made perfect in me so that I can have victory. If I can lean on Him when I don’t know where my life is going, I can lean on Him to bring me into the land of freedom from bondage. It’s also worth the wait if I’m willing to be patient and hope in God.
I’m hopeful for the day that I can say, I’ve arrived! And, oh for the day when I can hear Christ say “welcome home, you made it my child”.
I am one of those patio-less, grill-less, apartment-living folks right now. We are blessed to be living where we do but oh how I miss the days of this past summer. Lighting up the grill multiple times in a week to prepare dinners. It's like getting the best of both worlds. The fun of cooking and the wonder of being in natures kitchen. Talk about spacious! :) 
